March 12, 2014

"Chickens" -- When Dennis first uttered that word my reaction was summed up in two words: "Absolutely not". I had nothing against chickens, mind you, I just didn't like the idea of a big, grassless pen filled with little hens taking dust baths & requiring food and water every day. "We'll let them free-range" Dennis said, "it will be fun".  And then he tried to sweeten the pot: "They'll eat the ticks and bugs and you'll enjoy the yard more." Okay, that held a little appeal, but I still wasn't sold. No chickens for this city girl. Case closed ... for a few years anyway.

In April 2009 Dennis turned 55, retired from his job and headed down to the farm. I decided I would stay behind until our house in the city sold. "Don't get any ideas about chickens," I said to Dennis as he pulled out of the driveway, "and especially don't get any ideas about putting chickens in the little planting shed right behind the house." Famous last words that ranked right up there with the Titanic crew member who said, "God Himself could not sink this ship" and George Bush uttering "Read my lips; no new taxes."

It didn't take him long.  Chickens.  In my planting shed. Right behind the house.

Being a hopeless animal lover, I couldn't very well send them away. After all, Homes are Forever ... even for Homes for chickens. They would have to stay and I would have to learn.

So with an open mind and no practical chicken knowledge whatsoever, here is what I quickly discovered:

1. The chickens you name always get eaten first. Not by us....this former city girl does NOT eat her friends even though Dennis jokingly tried to make them seem palatable by naming them "Fried", "Extra Crispy" and "Barbecue". No, I mean by predators. I don't know how a hawk can discern "Frieda" or "Gertrude" from a non-named fowl, but they can and they are pretty darn accurate at it.

2. Chickens poop...a lot. The first round of chicks our hens hatched were so cute that I actually found myself won over (who doesn't love babies?!), and I could not wait to teach the baby chicks to come up onto the deck and get treats. Kudos to me; I was wildly successful! Not only did the chicks come when I called them, they came up of their own accord and pecked on the patio door if their treats weren't dispensed in a timely manner. They sat in the chairs and posed for innumerable cute pictures on the deck rails. But then they started growing ... and pooping ... a lot. They had no preconceived notions about where it was appropriate to poo, and try as I might I could not teach them. The power washer quickly became my new best friend. Good idea gone REAL bad.

3. Chickens are sneaky. While we let the hens hatch a few chicks here and there, there just isn't room for tons of chickens in our little hen house. We do try to be understanding to the wanna-be-mommas though, and split very a limited number of eggs between whichever hens happen to go broody. Everybody's happy, right? WRONG! Imagine our surprise one November when a hen came proudly parading out of the hayfield with an entire line of new babies in tow. She obviously hadn't cared for our rules on population control and simply hid her eggs until she had reached Octomom status. Final score: Chickens:8 -- Humans: 0.

4. Once you have experienced fresh eggs from happy little free-ranging chickens, you become very spoiled. Store-bought eggs with their big, yellow yolks no longer hold any charm when compared with eggs with yolks that turn cheesecakes flaming orange and omelets into works of art. Now if we could only teach the chickens to gather the eggs for us...

Yes, I've learned a lot from the chickens I never wanted to have. They have also provided this transplanted city girl with many an adventure ... picture a designer flip flop clad woman with a fresh pedicure tromping through an Amish barn because they had Silkie chicks. I don't know what was more important that day ... hoping that I would get a Silkie or praying that they hay didn't stick to my freshly painted toes.  Probably the latter, but that's another story for another day. :)